“We often think that having a child with T21 {Trisomy 21, aka Down syndrome} is like gaining membership to a secret club, a club you never knew you wanted to be in or even existed, but once you are in, you are so thankful that you were chosen.” I love this quote by fellow blogger, Nicole Maher. It describes exactly how I feel about adopting our son, Max, who happens to have Down syndrome.
This is the story of how he came into our lives:

We witnessed so many small miracles that amounted to the amazing miracle of Max joining our family May 1st, 2009. I’m not going to list them all here, but I wrote a lengthy post with many more details on our family blog, Two Dogs And A Fish, if you would like to read more.
I have had several inquiries as to what made us say ‘yes’ to adopting a child with special needs. That wasn’t our intention when we started the adoption approval process, but God had other, better, plans for us. We had intentions of adopting a “healthy, Caucasian, newborn” to be the perfect match for Piper, our then 2 year old. We talked a lot about what type of child we would prefer. Honestly, we were really picky at first. As time went by, we thought of new ways to ‘promote ourselves’ in the adoption world. We sent out pass-along cards, put our profile on adoption websites, and told everyone we knew that we were looking to adopt.

One day, I got an email from ParentProfiles.com advertising a class on alternative ways to adopt cheaply outside of LDS Family Services {LDSFS}. My hubby, Steve, is more the “you research and then tell me what I need to know” type, so I went to the class by myself. It changed our lives! This class was incredible. I cried half the way home. I was moved. Kelly, the class presenter, has adopted 6 children from various countries. She had a way of explaining that “special needs” isn’t as scary as it might sound. We weren’t planning on going out of the country to adopt, but there were other criteria that I realized we would be open to, broader acceptance of ethnicities and learning disabilities, etc. Kelly recommended several websites that specialized in special needs and also a couple of books to read. I went home and told Steve about the class. What really struck me the most, is that we were approved through LDSFS along with around 2000 other couples across the US. There aren’t that many babies being placed for adoption. We needed to think outside the box. We needed to be more open. I could just feel it. Kelly mentioned that there are millions of children already born in this world who will die if someone doesn’t adopt them, bring them to the US {or elsewhere} where they can get the proper nutrition and medical care they need. Contrast that to sitting and waiting to get “matched” with a birthmom locally. If someone were to “turn down” an infant through LDSFS, it would be adopted by someone else immediately. That hit me. There was a way to make a bigger difference in a child’s life. Kelly felt that raising her ‘special needs’ children is a calling from God that she is so thankful for. They may not even be alive today if she and her husband hadn’t been there for them.

So I told Steve about these agencies we had discussed in the class. One specifically I had mentioned was Reece’s Rainbow specializing in children with Down syndrome {Ds}. Steve commented that although he was willing to adopt a child with Ds, he wasn’t specifically seeking one out. I felt the same. We talked about being more open on some other criteria, and I went on our adoption profiles and checked some additional boxes of what we would accept. I believe Ds had always been checked, but I can’t remember. The class was on a Friday night. Monday, I went to the library and checked out the two recommended books from the class.

I decided to read the shortest book first. It was titled, “One Tattered Angel” by Blaine Yorgason. It was a tear jerker. It is the true story of a couple who adopts a baby without a brain. They soon realize that this infant is truly an angel. There is also a character, Fred, who “had limitations” and I assumed he had Ds, although it didn’t ever specifically say. ‘Fred’ helps the author realize that Jesus loves us and knows our needs, and especially loves His ‘tattered’ children. As I finished reading it, I remember thinking, wow, we have to be open to whatever is in store for us. The next day, Thursday {less than a week after attending Kelly’s class and changing our criteria on our profiles}, I got a call from Angela at Abrazo Adoption Associates in Texas. I was driving down to the Tulip Festival at Thanksgiving Point so I didn’t answer the phone. She left a message asking me to call her back if we were interested in a three week old, multi-racial, infant boy who had Down syndrome and a heart defect. I started crying as I listened to the message. I called Steve and asked if he was really ok with the whole Ds part. {We didn’t know enough about the heart defect to be scared of that part, and maybe that was a good thing!} He was, and wanted more info. So when Piper & I got to the Tulip Festival, I let her run around for a bit and called Abrazo back. It was really windy and I couldn’t hear a lot of the conversation. What I did gather, was that this little “baby Noah” was in foster care and needed a home right away. Angela told me their website had a picture of “baby Noah” on it that I could see when I got back home. The first step was to fax them our home study and we’d go from there. They had seen us on Parent Profiles and therefore, knew we had our home study and background checks completed. I called Steve and asked him to go to LDSFS and have them fax our home study to Texas that afternoon.

Friday I called Abrazo to make sure they got our fax, but they were already closed for the weekend. So we knew nothing more over the weekend. I searched Parent Profiles to see how many other couples would also accept Ds – 10 of the 300 would. So I assumed they had contacted all 10. Steve & I prayed a lot over the weekend, talked pros and cons, researched more about Ds online, etc. We decided that if we were “picked” we would say “yes”. How could we not? An angel was being sent to us to care for. Who wouldn’t want an angel living within their home?  That’s how we feel about Down syndrome. We knew this baby would be more special than any typical “healthy, Caucasian, newborn” we might be matched with later.

Monday I talked with the adoption agency and they said we were the only family they were considering. When the agency asked me how soon we could get there, that’s when the reality set in. They wanted us there that week. One afternoon as Piper and I were driving all over town running errands, she said from the back seat, “Mommy, do you know why we’re getting a baby?” “Why?” I asked. “Because Jesus loves us.” Tears. Piper was so excited to finally be a big sister. We told her to the best of a 3 year old’s understanding what was happening. She knew we had to fly on a plane to get our baby. But in the couple of days before hand, she kept asking, “Am I a big sister yet?” She began telling everyone that she was a big sister.

We experienced many more miracles that week getting everything in place to go get Max. Thursday morning I called and booked our flights for 5:00pm that evening. I packed for me, Piper, and “baby Noah” in about two hours. The only things I forgot were my cell phone charger and my camera USB cord. Not bad. We somehow got the dogs to the kennel, got packed, and made it to the airport on time. But then our flight was delayed. That wouldn’t have been such a big deal, except we had to connect to another airline in Dallas – the ONLY way to get to San Antonio by 9:30am Friday – the time we were suppose to pick up “baby Noah”. The flight was delayed an hour, yet was only 15 minutes late on arrival in Dallas. We had plenty of time to make the connecting flight. Another miracle. We made it to the hotel around midnight on Thursday, exactly one week after the initial phone call from Abrazo. Of course we didn’t sleep. We kept looking at each other with that ‘is this for real?’ look.

The Abrazo adoption agency was fabulous. They took Piper to meet Max first. {We decided to re-name him Max and keep Noah as his middle name to honor the birthparent’s original choice.} They helped her carry him in to us. It was the cutest thing ever. And when we met Max for the first time, it was love at first sight. We had talked about what it might be like, wondered if we might feel like we were just ‘babysitting’. But we knew he was ours. And Piper and Steve pretty much fought to see who could hold him the most that first hour or two at the agency finalizing paperwork. Piper asked, “Do we get to keep him?!” She kept kissing him and telling him she loved him. She would look at his hands or nose or whatever and say things like, “Oh, he’s so cute. His hands are so cute.” She kept ‘petting’ his hair.

I had a wonderful experience meeting Max’s birthmother, Melody. She had a lot going on and was having an emotional time with learning that the agency had picked us after a couple of other families didn’t end up working out. When we finally met and were able to talk about our respective journeys up to this point, we were both reassured that God had His hand in this process. She had wanted a family in Texas to adopt her little Noah so that she could have a more open adoption. She couldn’t understand why that wasn’t happening. Now we both know. Max was intended for us. We talked a lot about stuff and a lot about nothing. Personal stuff. She is part of our family now, too. Adoption is bittersweet. But there was a peace about our meeting. Max is loved by so many wonderful people.
Fast forward almost 3 years.

We learned quickly that Max had a serious heart defect and needed open heart surgery at 5 months old. And the hospital where he had surgery, just happened to be the same one in that “One Tattered Angel” book I read. Oddly enough, I felt very at peace with all this. My husband was a wreck though – ha. Max spent a week in the hospital, and the repair was 100% successful. Over the last three years, our lives have been fairly normal. Sure, Max has various therapies throughout the month, including preschool skills, speech, & physical therapies. And he has been hospitalized once each winter with respiratory crud. He was diagnosed with mild sleep apnea and had his tonsils and adenoids removed a few months back. But none of that taints the amazing, loving, happy, giggly, snuggly, and destructive true-blue boy we have in our family! What amazes me even more, is the love that his sister, now 6, has for him, without truly even understanding what “Down syndrome” means.
Would we change anything about Max? No, well, actually, I could have done without the reflux he had for the first two years!
The best part about being a mom to a special needs child? It’s that quote – “the club you never knew you wanted to be in or even existed, but once you are in, you are so thankful that you were chosen”. That club consists of a community of other parents and children who ‘get you’. They understand not to bring a snotty nose kid to a playdate because it could send yours to the hospital. They get that your child does things a little slower and needs a little more patience in learning new skills. They get that your life has been changed for the better, just like theirs. That most siblings with brothers or sisters who have special needs, tend to be more compassionate on the playground, tend to accept others who look or act differently. And there is an instant bond when you meet them, whether by blog-o-sphere or in person. There is a ton of support online, through blogging, facebook groups, local UDSF chapters and playgroups.
It’s not all easy peasy. Hospital stays are hard. Watching your neighbor’s kid run and ride a trike at 2, when yours is barely walking and doesn’t say a word yet. That can be hard, but only for a moment. Because then you look at your kiddo and realize how lucky you are to be ‘in the club’. A club your neighbor will never experience the way you do, making the lasting friendships, appreciating the milestones, watching all the hard work in therapy pay off. It’s a joy. And if we ever decide to adopt again, yeah, it’ll be another kiddo with Ds. ‘Cause they’re particularly awesome!